Editorial: On-campus solicitations should be off-limits

Most college students exist off of couch change, selling loose cigarettes and begging their parents for money. It’s a tenuous arrangement, but it works out nicely.

The thing is, lots of people want your money—all of it.

If you were passing by the sidewalk in front of the Wabash Campus Building, 623 S. Wabash Ave., April 19, you probably noticed a coven of women dressed like hookers handing out free samples of “Axe Deodorant Body Spray.” You know, it’s the stuff that leaves you smelling like gas station soap.

This isn’t a new thing, however. Despite the sudden appearance of trollops in cavalry twill blocking pedestrian traffic, businesses hawking junk on and around college campuses seems precisely in tune with the crocuses and tulips every spring.

Hats and T-shirts emblazoned with moronic slogans, samples of soda and chewing gum and of course, the ubiquitous credit card company all prowl around Columbia’s campus in the hope of snagging more soft-headed consumers.

Frankly, we’ve had enough of it.

First you had to flip through ads in magazines or mute the television to avoid advertisements. Then came commercials in movies, where you had the privilege of forking over $9 to watch 30 minutes of commercials for unreliable automobiles, candy bars stuffed full of obesity accelerants and hair products almost guaranteed to give you scalp cancer.

And now this.

By the time we reach retirement we’ll probably have to contend with skydivers emblazoned with corporate logos dropping out of nowhere and into the kitchen during dinnertime.

We’re bombarded with advertisements every day and it takes a certain type of person to effectively filter it all out. Not all of this is easily dismissed for some people. Some people are captive the instant they hear a catchy jingle, see bright colors or read a snarky pitch line. For the rest of us, it’s just annoying.

Never mind the issue of money. Many of the products targeted at the college demographic are overpriced and poorly manufactured, but we’re told that we must have these things if we are to become an “exclusive” member (how can you be exclusive if everyone else is just like you?) of the sexy/cool/talented/successful of our age bracket.

This is beyond intolerable. Prostitution is dicey to begin with, but whether you’re paying someone to manipulate your fun bits or dress you in the newest couture for an ego boost, they’re both distasteful as hell.

Give us a bit of credit. We see your damn ads on buses, on billboards and even in the bathroom. Let us make up our own minds about what to buy, and give us a bit of respect in the meantime.
And while you’re at it, stay the hell off the sidewalk.